Smoke gets in my eyes...

It's with great sadness and regret that I write this with tears in my eyes...

I just cooked some frozen sausages and those rat bastards spewed out so much cantankerous toxic vapour that I really do feel like i've just been wearing onion ring spectacles all day long. Naturally this makes me sad because my eyes sting like a mad bastard and fills me with regret because if I hadn't cooked them, none of this would have happened... Being such a manly man though I sucked it up and soldiered on through the fog of war and came out victorious. The fact of the matter if they tasted good or not is irrelevant, it's the act of valour that makes it worth writing about. I could also write about how cooking some for my pretty lady counterpart has earned me some hefty relationship tokens, but I won't delve into that because that's just crass and right now I feel like a goddamn hero. Heros don't kiss and tell.
Anyway, I took a break from my adventures (of which I have many) and cooking sausages to ponder where this stingy cloud actually came from and why. There's no concrete evidence of course but I like to think I know what happened because i'm a man and we like to at least appear sure about shit we know nothing about. Rattle in the engine? It's probably your flange combobulator rattling off the cockshaft. Muffins not rising? It's probably due to the fact you didn't use half as much pixie dust as you should have. Hole in the atmosphere? God decided to fuck us all...literally.Temperamental women? Ahahahah, yeah ok we don't know that much, even pretending as much will often lead to a hefty cockpunch and a severe deduction of relationship tokens.

Anyway, I digress. The stinging smoke can only be explained by a means that most of you will scoff at, it requires a broad mind and a very centred spiritual core.
One time at the beach when I was but a carefree pup, finger buried up to the knuckle in my proboscis and my other hand probably hovering somewhere near or on my genitalia, I discovered a jellyfish...As you are want to do on beaches. Jellyfish love beaches, who doesn't love beaches. Jellyfish like most other creatures, however, probably don't like getting fucked up by a 5 year old with a big ol stick.
That jellyfish waited in the ether until I was old enough, it has watched and waited my whole life probably willing a 5 year old nearby to pick up a piece of driftwood and work me over...But that never happened. I'm assuming this guy finally ran out of patience and decided to come back into this world, into that kitchen, materialise from my sausages and go feral on my eyes.

It's the only logical explaination.

Well played, Jellyfish....Well played.